On Being the Mama of a Boy

It's an interesting thing, to think you know what you want, to assume you know exactly what you need, and to then be surprised with something totally different.

Before Henry was even a sparkle in my eye I always thought I wanted a little girl. I'm a girl's girl for sure, and the idea of having a son never crossed my mind, even as a child playing house. But life does as it pleases, and here I am, the proud mama of a little boy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

While pregnant I just knew I was having a girl. I felt it. And most of my friends thought the same. I was so sure about this that I even had a box full of girl's clothing I started collecting once I became pregnant. Inside the box were vintage dresses, little mary jane shoes, and the prettiest bloomers and hats and sweaters.

So I'm sure you can guess that on our big gender ultrasound day I went into the appointment feeling fairly certain there was indeed a girl in there. I remember arriving at the doctor's office, holding Hank's hand, my 20-week stomach full of butterflies. I remember walking back into the room, so nervous, so hopeful that everything would be okay as they went through the anatomy check. And I remember when the ultrasound technician asked, "Okay guys, do you want to know?" Time stood still for that little moment as we replied, "yes, definitely," all the while both Hank and I silently freaking out.  The technician clicked her mouse a few times, adjusted the probe, and exclaimed "You're having a...BOY!"

I laid there for a second in shock (did she just say boy?!), then started happy-crying as the waves of emotion I'd been holding back hit me all I once. I was happy. Scared. And so, so excited. Our family came into the room and everyone was cheering and shouting and high-fiving each other. I was lost in a sea of eight people's excitement, still stunned and still silently freaking out.

For days I thought about how strange it was to have a boy on the way. How would this even work? A boy? I hadn't planned on this, I had no idea what I'd even do with a boy. But yet there he was, and he was on his way, ready or not.

It's funny to me to look back at the panic I felt thinking about Henry being Henry. It lasted for a few days, and then all of sudden, it became my reality. Of course I was having a boy, of course. I couldn't have imagined anything different.

And now when I hear that sweet "Mamamamamaaaaa!" from across the house, and see my big-little boy come running towards me, full speed ahead, enveloping me into one of his famous bear hugs, I know that this is what my life was meant to be. Trucks and footballs and lots of noise, Star Wars and cut off shorts and Vans sneakers. All boy, all the time.

So for now my box of girls clothing is tucked away, up high on a closet shelf. I'm not sure if I'll ever get a chance to take it down- and really, I'd be totally content if that time never came, much to the surprise of my formerly pregnant self, who couldn't have ever imagined all of these positively "boy" moments that make up my day. In the middle of my tea partying, dressing up dreams, I never thought I'd be playing motorcycles on the ground with a little boy named Henry. And maybe one day he'll want to tea party and dress up too, but for now, motorcycling on the ground is the only place I want to be.

Food and Life and Summertime

Isn't it interesting how food can evoke such vivid memories? The taste, the color, the smell, the texture; it all brings us back to particular places and specific times in our lives. For me, summertime ushers in especially intense memories as seasonal fruits and vegetables take me back to my childhood growing up in the green, green forests of the East Coast, surrounded by my Mom's gardens and enjoying homegrown fruits and vegetables every day.



It's something as simple as the smell of rosemary that reminds me of the red skinned potato salad we would get from the small grocer down the street from our house, or corn on the cob that remind me of my Mom and Dad, sitting on the steps shucking corn- the silky fibers and rough, snappy green husks going everywhere. It's the snap of the green beans into the colander, the smell of red, ripe tomatoes on the vine, or even Ball Park franks, Heinz ketchup and Gulden's spicy mustard that remind me of nightly barbeques in our backyard.

Summer is a lot of things, but to me it's always that first trip up to Carvel, gelatis from Rita's, or the ice cream truck at the park. It's the way orange and cream anything instantly transports me to the boardwalk, seagulls squawking and swooping in the distance, the ocean sounds mixing with laughing children, the smell of sunscreen and salt hanging in the air, all while enjoying a special treat- an orange and cream ice cream cone from Kohr's. The beach will always remind me of Gouda cheese and crackers, peanut butter and jelly on wheat bread, and how amazing crisp green grapes can taste under a big umbrella, on a brightly-colored towel. Summertime is slurpees from 7-11, sub sandwiches from Wawa, and berries. Always berries, every summer, and the first ripe raspberries of the season will always evoke memories of eating them by the handful out of my parents' refrigerator.





And so I think a lot about what we feed Henry and the experiences we give him through food. I look forward to having our own big garden he can help me plant and maintain. I am excited to shuck corn with him, pick our own berries from the bush in our backyard, and to enjoy experiences from the things we prepare and eat every single day, be it making homemade pizza in the kitchen, barbequing tofu kebabs out back, or taking a family trip up to Dairy Queen when the temperatures start to rise. Being a parent is great for a million reasons, but one of my favorites in the ability to make your child's environment as beautiful and magical as possible, in so many different ways. For me, summertime has always been a time full of adventure and enjoyment, filled with sweet treats and healthy, whole foods. And so I look forward to giving our boy as many of those ice cream-cone and fresh fruit-filled summers as I can, making memories from the simple, everyday things that somehow turn special in the shine of the summer sun.

Sad/happy

Last night I was up late (way too late) and decided to look through some old photobooth photos while Henry was asleep and Hank was at the studio. BAD IDEA. I found myself crying, watching little videos Henry and I made, looking at old funny pictures, and reveling in how teeny tiny he once was. I thought about a lot, but mainly about how quickly Henry's first year went by and about how he'd never be that small, ever again. I looked through photos I had taken while he slept on my chest, photos of his first smiles, pictures of his adorable bald head. I got to hear his little coos and listen to the funny sounds he made as a newborn. It was also neat to see myself as a brand new Mom. It made me realize just how painfully fast time has gone by. It was tough, and as I sat there crying and laughing I thought about how grateful I feel to have had all of these moments. Happy and sad. It must have been a middle-of-the-night thing though, because this morning when I woke up I wasn't upset anymore- more so just excited to be right where we are in this exciting 14-month stage. Although I do miss tiny Henry more than I could ever express, I love this Henry even more. And it reminded me to keep taking as many photos as I do, because I can only imagine how I'll feel looking back at these things when he's all grown up.

 

Playdates & feeling like an adult

Do you ever stop yourself in the middle of something and think "Holy cow, I'm an adult?" As expected it's been happening more than ever now that I'm a parent, and sometimes it totally sneaks up on me in the weirdest places. For instance just the other morning I was pulling out of our garage and I had these thoughts- "I have a garage." "I have a garage with shelving in it, with things organized on them." "Ahhh I'm an adult!" Do you know what I mean, or am I just crazy? We'll be doing weird things, like spending a Sunday afternoon at Home Depot, or anything else that seems "adult-like" and I'll think about this.

This past Thursday Autumn invited some of our girlfriends over to her house for a playdate. I've spent countless days over there, but for some reason on this day I kept thinking about how crazy it was that we were all Moms now, going over to a friend's house to get our kids together. It's something my Mom did all the time when we were younger- we spent so many afternoon at our friends' houses, our Moms talking in the kitchen- and it was kind of neat to think that now I was the mama doing these things.  It's all come full-circle.

It was a great day though, and so fun to see all of the kids together, since we had a huge age range. Nat's little girl Scarlet is 10 months, Henry is 14 months, Autumn's kids are 23 months and 3 1/2, and Anita's daughter Lola is 2 1/2.

Here are a few photos from our day-